- Be mindful of my words and intonation. This is important for all communication in the home, including conversations with my husband, and phone chats, etc.
- Give J enough time to complete his tasks. Don't rush him, he's four. Things will take more time than if I were doing it myself. I need to constantly remind myself of this.
- Take time everyday to spend with just J. This will go a long way to ease the jealousy of having a new brother.
- Turn a negative into a positive. For example: Instead of, "Stop yelling!", say, "We use our quiet voice inside. You can yell when we play outside."
- Stop saying "no" so much! It doesn't work. J eventually tunes me out, and it loses all meaning.
- Ask for help. He will feel included, and the workload will be lessened for me. That way, he still has the option of saying no. Ask if he will help me by doing XYZ, instead of ordering him around. I have been feeling so bossy lately!
- Get down on the floor more often and just PLAY! Every minute counts. It doesn't have to be 5 hours straight to make a wonderful memory for him.
- LISTEN. When J tells me something it is important! I may not be 100% interested, but to him, having Mama pay attention means the world.
I'm hoping that this will bring me back to where I want to be as a mom. I have been feeling disconnected and frustrated lately. I have been more mindful of my behavior for two weeks. Not surprisingly, J's behavior has been much better. He stopped getting into things that were off limits. He doesn't whine as much. He doesn't have a huge tantrum every day like he used to. I'm curious to see if he is going through another stage, or if it is a direct result of my changes.
Love every point on this list. I am on the same mission ... and I wish my "C" were, too. *sigh* I am trying to remind myself how fast the time flies, how I don't want to look back and say, "I wish I had cleaned less and played on the floor more." or "I wish I had showed more patience..." It is such a challenge, though!!
ReplyDeleteOh - and speaking of turning a negative into a positive, reframe "stop saying no" to "seek for the way to say yes!" I see you feel like jumping right now! Come down on the floor and let's do some jumping jacks together! (but we don't jump on the sofa) ;) E is now refusing to cooperate with C on every level - breakfast, dressing, bath, pj's, bed time. SO frustrating. Anything C tries to do, E rebels. I have to nurse A and put him to sleep, then lay with E til he is asleep since he just turns into a wild child for C. Any suggestions?
Love that we're on the same page here! My C has recently been having trouble with J's bedtime routine as well. He doesn't cry or throw tantrums, but holy moly is he sure good at ignoring!! I wish I had some suggestions for you....I'll think on it and see what I can come up with.
ReplyDeleteHaving a baby an a four year old is definitely more of a challenge than I was expecting!!